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The Most Frightening Thing in the World

On the first of this month, I purchased a graphic tablet. Much to my annoyance, the shipment took twenty days, with it arriving the following afternoon. It finally reached my front door, and now it’s on the floor beside my bed… unopened. I’m nearly convinced it’s a pandora’s box.

Let’s face it. I love art. But is it something I can pursue as a career? Please. I’m not that talented. Here’s a secret: I have absolutely no knowledge in digital art or in computer tech. I’ve never even touched a graphic tablet in my life (unless you count the one I had as a child that hooked up to the TV monitor and could use fantasy clip art… I don’t). So why get a graphic tablet if I have no skill and by no means able to make a living out of it? Because artists today are going digital. The world is changing based on technology.

I was born into a generation where technology, well, boomed. The very place were I live, where I grew up, is known for its technology. Yet I feel like I’ve clearly missed the boat on most of it. Computer class was a 9th grade standard in my education. After college, I’ve heard that it’s a 3rd grade standard. Not to mention that kids today are now learning to code. Where was I when all of this happened?

I’m probably considered too old to do some of these things, and I haven’t even left my twenties yet. That’s how fast this world is moving. I just don’t understand why I want something so much, to chase after an unreachable goal. The idea terrifies me.

Plus, the package couldn’t come at a worse time. I’ve been in a depression all of last week, and this week isn’t looking all that great, either. I’ve come to a point in my life where I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with it, and can’t seem to list any talents or good qualities about myself that can carry me through. I’ve been really cynical about how no one is paying attention to my art, my writing, my ideas. And my work really is for an audience of one (me), so I’ve been really frustrated about not being able to make connections with anybody, because no one else values my ideas. 

I stared at my computer last night, crying for someone to notice that I’ve been gone, for someone to show that they care. 

Today I realized that nobody does care. Nobody cares that I’ve disappeared all week. So I’ve got to be the one who cares. I’m so upset with the things that have been going on these past couple of weeks (for reasons I’m skipping over, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear the sob story anyway), and I’m so tired of this “life sucks” mindset. Granted, I’m still in that mindset, but I have no one to talk to about it, and no one is going to help me out of it, so I’ve got to do something about it myself. Even if that effort is something as small as sketching for myself.

So here I am, neglecting the fact that it’s almost half-past nine, that I skipped dinner, and need to get ready to bed, all because I spent two hours of my evening deleting old picture files from my computer. Half of the reason is so I can make room for my Paint Tool SAI files I plan to upload… but the other half is so I can avoid opening that box.

It reminded me of a quote by Marty Sklar, the Executive VP/Imagineering Ambassador of Walt Disney Imagineering:

"There are two ways to look at a blank sheet of paper […] You can see it as the most frightening thing in the world―because you have to make the first mark on it. Or you can see a blank page as the greatest opportunity―you get the make the first mark on it. You can let your imagination fly in any direction. You can create whole new worlds.”

Maybe tomorrow I’ll learn how to use Paint Tool SAI… maybe I’ll open that box.

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Random Facts Friday (California Edition - Part 2)

1. In December 2009, the sea lions in San Francisco mysteriously abandoned Pier 39. It was later discovered that they migrated 500 miles north to Sea Lion Cave on Oregon’s coast. Scientists speculated that the supply of food northbound was what caused the movement. In June 2014, it was reported that the San Francisco sea lions have once again disappeared (Source).

2. Vivienne Harr of Fairfax, California created Make a Stand, a lemonade company when she was eight years old. In the past two years, she has donated $111,300 to organizations who work in eradicating child slavery (Source).

3. Walt Disney took inspiration for Disneyland by visiting Children’s Fairyland, a storybook-themed park in Oakland, California. In 1955, five years after the visit, the Magic Kingdom opened (Source).

4. The earthquake that hit San Francisco in 1906 destroyed most of Chinatown. Originally no plans were made to rebuild Chinatown, and plans to relocate fell through. Chinatown was ultimately rebuilt, allowing the remaining 400 of the estimated 15,000 Chinese population to return home in the city (Source).

5. The Winchester Mystery House in San José, California was built by the eccentric Sarah Winchester. Mrs. Winchester was highly superstitious of the spirits killed by the rifles of her late husband’s multi-million manufacturing company would come to haunt her. The widowed Winchester took her inheritance to build a maze-like mansion, with strange rooms such as having doors that would lead to nowhere. Winchester’s estate was well-staffed and well-paid. It is said that she communed with spirits in the house’s center, the Blue Room. In order to confuse evil spirits, she would never sleep in the same bedroom twice. On September 5th 1922, Winchester died of heart failure in her sleep (Source). 

I’ve been taking commissions from the elementary and middle school age students at the school where I work. From Littlest Pet Shop to Nightwing to Disney Channel stars to pop singers that I have never even heard of, I cranked out about eight colored pencil sketches in an hour’s time. Seems like this was the only one I snapped a pic of before sending it on home with them.Also on deviantART
Zoom Info
Camera
iPhone 4
ISO
80
Aperture
f/2.8
Exposure
1/15th
Focal Length
3mm

I’ve been taking commissions from the elementary and middle school age students at the school where I work. From Littlest Pet Shop to Nightwing to Disney Channel stars to pop singers that I have never even heard of, I cranked out about eight colored pencil sketches in an hour’s time. Seems like this was the only one I snapped a pic of before sending it on home with them.

Also on deviantART

I had a scary dream…

… where it was a quarter to 9 in the morning, and my mom asked me if I was going to work later today.

I said no, then realized, “I’M LATE!”

I scrambled to get ready, but as I was finishing getting dressed, it was suddenly just after 10 o’clock. I was now over three hours late to work.

What made it believable was that the panic was based on real fear. I only remembered that it was a dream when one of my older sister’s lifelong friends walked into the house with a pet porcupine on a leash.

Then I woke up, and it was 5 o’clock.

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